In the last few weeks I have been involved in a number of fairly deep conversations. Most of these conversations concern how people fit the INGO I am volunteering for into their life narratives. One unique aspect in these conversations was that none of the participants needed to be with this INGO. Wants and needs were clearly demarcated. This stopped a lot of 'shut downs', i.e. those who needed the organisation telling those who wanted more from the organisation to be 'realistic'; 'get a grip', etc. This facilitated a number of fascinating conversations about what is core / dominant in our personalities, and how some personality types can reconcile needs with wants 'better' than others.
Such conversations have allowed all of us to examine why we are really here. The advantage of such conversations is that you can go right down to the subconscious level and see that some experiences are actually giving you what you really need, rather than what you really want. But the disadvantage is that you can see how you are playing riddles with yourself, and that an experience is not actually giving you what you need or want. The result of such conversations led to another volunteer deciding that this INGO wasn't for them; and they are leaving on the 30th of September - the date we receive the replacement for the volunteer who left at the beginning of September.
This is not an ideal state to be in. Whilst I have been able to reconcile my own wants and needs on behalf of working in Ecuador and with this particular organisation, the lack of fit between the volunteers and the organisation has meant a lot of responsibilities placed on my shoulders which has interrupted me from doing the things I came here to do. I have been here seven weeks and I have done very little of what is actually on my job description. But, I have been instead been involved in numerous different activities, programmes and duties. These include: doing summer camp for kids; teaching English classes to both adults and children; doing Open Days; leading cooking and nutrition classes; playing games / video games with kids (and adults); art and science classes; and working at reception of the community centre. I have enjoyed the vast majority of these activities. But, they are not representative of what I should be doing here.
So, two things have come out of all this. I have spoken with management and put my foot down with regards to doing duties that are not actually in my job description. I will miss some of these activities (the English classes with some of the kids especially), but I can't really justify staying here to do such activities. Yet, the needs / wants debate rears its head again here. We all have to really look at why we make the decisions we do so we don't push back too hard when things don't turn out the way we wanted them to. I realised that the role was only part of the reason why I came here. And that, with proper boundaries, I could reconcile the difficulties in the environment I am in with what I actually need. But, the key is in asserting those boundaries and doing so in a just way. A skill that is so valuable in many fields.
I will miss my co-worker immensely (she picked me up from the airport when I arrived). And, from time to time, I will lament on what we have lost with her gone. But, for now, I'm still happy to be here and excited about the work I can do here. I'm also very excited that I managed - with very little time at my disposal - to get some writing in. This is the second thing. Yes, that ol' creativity. Sometimes you need to take yourself out of your routine to see how some things are working / not working for you. When I was in the States (and last weekend) I was able to focus on a novel I am writing and I'm very encouraged with my progress. These are all good things. So, for now, I am happy to be where I am.
It will be interesting to see how things are with a 'normal' workload...
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