Lightning CAN strike twice...

Well, I've now been in Ethiopia for around two and a half weeks. So, I've now been in the continent of Africa for two and a half weeks - a continent I always said I would love to take six months out of my life to explore if I ever had the chance. I don't know where that figure ever came from. I just surmised that you would need at least six months to say you even partially know Africa. So, I'm here for definite for three months. And I technically have just over three months after that where I have nothing concrete planned. I now suspect that what I have always wistfully wished for may actually be coming true... But, I'm just going to stay open to the events around me. Thankfully my presence has not yet caused social and political unrest (despite some apparent bets that predicted it would given my recent history with Nicaragua and Ecuador). So, I'm hopeful that I may have a lot more time yet to explore this amazing part of the world.

So, lightning can indeed strike twice. There is something about my time here in Ethiopia that echoes how I felt in Nicaragua over 11 years ago. It may be because I am exploring a new continent with a social, cultural, economic and political history very different from anything I've ever experienced before (just like Nicaragua all those years ago). But, I have those feels. You know what I am talking about... where something is actually touching your soul and you know that it is in control of you, rather than you being in control of it. Ecuador was a much needed transition... but Africa is where the real learning, transformation and healing is going to happen. I feel it in my bones. And it's just the start. In approximately one week's time I will be entering my first ever refugee camp. In a conflict area (on the border between Eritrea and Ethiopia) and passing through a number of conflict areas to get there. I am excited. I will have little time to process anything because my role here is so full-on... I will be training, mentoring, data collecting, analysing, networking and travelling across four refugee camps in less than five weeks. I will be leading a small group of local volunteers across this journey, most of whom themselves have never seen the inside of a refugee camp and will be passing through conflict areas where they might actually be in some danger due to their own ethnic and religious background. I have no idea what is in front of me. I only know it feels right...

Today I partially moved into an apartment that I will be sharing with another volunteer for the time I remain in Addis Ababa (likely another week) and then my last month here (likely late March to mid-April although I suspect I might actually be here until late April - there is a lot to do). It's a lovely apartment (basic, of course, but actually quite lovely when you restrict your parameters to that) and I'm looking forward to a different way of life here. Where I actually have to use the Amharic I have learned basically, and force myself to socialise with people who don't speak English well. I'm also extremely looking forward to cooking here. Oh my God... the FOOD here. I am a spice fanatic. A vindaloo is a load of crap... most Indians you speak to will tell you this dish is an abomination of what spicy food is supposed to be. The TASTE of the spices here... the berbere (Ethiopian chilli) and how the Ethiopians combine it with garlic, ginger, tumeric and cardamon... it's something else entirely. I'm in love... the injera (a pancake-y tortilla that is their staple carbohydrate), the wot (spicy sauce), the fuul (the best source of protein here without having to be a carnivore)... I could just go on and on. And then there is the coffee and the wine. I knew about the coffee (who doesn't?!?), but I did not expect the wine (thankfully, VSO's no drinking policy actually just means when I am working and representing VSO... so, I have been drinking... oh yes... moderately... but the beer and the wine is VERY GOOD). In all honesty, I am quite fascinated by Ethiopia. And the Ethiopian people I meet.

I am quite a tactile person. I hug. I kiss. I get right in your face and show you what I'm feeling and how I am feeling it. I feel very comfortable being myself here and don't feel I have to reign it in, like how I have felt for a long time in England. That it is too much. That I am too much. That I should somehow be passively aware of how my own energy may be impacting on someone else's self-esteem when, let's face it, it's their responsibility to sort out their self-esteem issues and my energy is actually helping to highlight that to them. **Sigh** This is what I loved about Nicaragua. It's that the rules don't really apply to me. That somehow I slip under the radar of normality because I am in a box labelled 'white, educated foreigner' which gives me a lot of room to move. It doesn't matter if I never end up in a different box. I can stay in that one and it is fine. I don't have that box in the UK. It's all a process of becoming... maybe I could be a mother; maybe I could be a wife; maybe I could be a professor; maybe I could be a best selling author. There's always another box; another process of becoming. But, here, I'm happy in that foreign, nomadic box where I hurt no one and no one hurts me (at least, on the surface). Maybe that's my lesson. Maybe I should take that box back to the UK (and how I feel inside it) and shut out all that noise around me. It's a hermit's life... but it's also not...

I'm learning about interdependency here. We all have co-dependent tendencies, even when you appear to be as 'independent' as I am. I swing. Oh Christ, I swing. Ask my exes. The resolution is always somewhere in the middle (but where you still have all the feels). As much as my Nicaraguan friends might shoot me for this, Nicaragua underscored that my 'independent' nature hid a part of myself that I was scared of... terrified of in fact. That I needed recognition. That I needed validation. That I needed to be loved. But, externally. Because I couldn't see what could be loved about myself internally. Those bloody Latin American men (and I'm thinking of one in particular) got that out of me. And I will forever be thankful for it. That I shouted, I screamed, I cracked and cried; and felt as if I might die... and then somewhere through all that I started to pay attention to myself and what I actually needed. That the most important relationship I would ever have would be with myself. That I could never really love another without really loving and validating myself first...

Ethiopia has its issues, but it isn't quite in the same league as Nicaragua when it comes to co-dependent relationships. There are a lot of extra-marital affairs here (I've been propositioned a few times already!), but the nature of it is different. I haven't fully put my finger on it yet... but I sense more interdependency here. Where people really support each other and it doesn't always mean you have to sacrifice the most essential parts of yourself to have that support network. I am here to heal. I have no idea what that will look like at the other side. But, my ideas about relationships are changing. And about independence. All I know is that it is where I need to be for now,..

Deliverables, collaboration, routine, and higher-level doing and thinking

Another week has passed in my little Ecuadorean bubble. In that time we have lost one volunteer and gained two. We have also recruited for - and filled - thirteen English classes at the centre; are running eight community projects at our community centre, and running eight community programs with partners. We currently have four volunteers to do this. We will gain one more at the end of September, but it is going to be tough.

The good news: we got our green light to recruit local volunteers. We have already had two applications. We are looking to attract more, but the reality is we won't be able the volunteers in place until the middle of next month, which places considerable strain on us. For instance, I am only supposed to be teaching one English class (my role is something different). I am currently teaching four until the fifth volunteer gets here. Then, I will teach two which is more manageable. Ironically, I am the only qualified ESOL teacher out of the five of us. This has translated into me offering workshops on ESOL teaching to the other volunteers. One thing I will say for certain here: my skills are always needed. I'm sure some will disagree, but I have felt for a long time that academia de-skills you. It keeps you in a kind-of repetitive loop and your mind harks back to the days when you were in practice jobs having to think on your feet a lot more and using every little resource and skill you had.

For this alone, I'm very glad to be where I am now. It's a breath of fresh air; although I'm sure, with enough time, it could become it's own repetitive cycle. What also excites me is the group of volunteers I am working with. We are all women, with different professional and academic backgrounds; but very similar values, perspectives and goals. Collaborative working is a model we are all eager to pursue; and seem to recognise in the other skills we don't yet have but would like to grow. This is another breath of fresh air. There is real power in recognising that someone has a very similar skill set to you and that, together, you could accomplish much more than either of you could do alone. It is like that between the four of us (and hopefully number five... we are praying for a Virgo moon) and, as a result, I can see that we are going to accomplish a lot together this year. Inspiring to say the least.

This emerged strongly in our succession of meetings yesterday which began at 10:30am and finished at 6:30pm. The meetings kicked off with an analysis of the role of community development in the practice of international NGOs, and finished with us all agreeing to incorporate a shared definition of sustainability into the monitoring and evaluation of the programs we are running. All things in between were exciting, refreshing and inspiring. It's teamwork thinking. It's trusting the people you work with. At this stage, there is very little 'othering'. The logic of equivalence has done its magic and we all seem to share a similar vision of what 'bad' community development practice is. The shared discourse is emerging, and it will be a real pleasure and privilege to document it. The absolute joys of practising what you preach. It was what my thesis was all about. It was based on a recurring problem I had witnessed in practice in a number of different contexts. But I didn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to be able to deconstruct it in the necessary level of depth. I sat in that meeting yesterday and could actually see floating and empty signifiers coming together in the discussions we were having. I kept smirking to myself. All that crap was worth it. The almost six years of crap, the rolled eyes and the projections behind my back. It works. I knew it would transform my practice, and the practices of others. I just didn't realise how much.

Today I'm off to one of the local universities to finalise a course I am running with them, and then I'm doing a lecture later on this afternoon on bottom-up approaches to international community development. Then, I'm finalising the first workshop I'm leading on ESOL and ESOL methodologies. And then I'm leading a conversation class on a pre-defined sociological topic. Life is good. Exhausting, but good. There is a real satisfaction in knowing you are where you need to be, learning what you need to learn, and doing what you need to do. It's all about the transformation. I've gone through quite a bit already, and I'm just over 1/12 of the way through this. I will be excited to know me at the end of this journey. I hope you will be too.

Why volunteer? Why Ecuador? Why now?

This blog aims to document not only the work I undertake in Ecuador, but the learning I accrue from it. It is about transformation. Chiefly, it is about how I will transform the way I see and theorise about the world by engaging in practice in a country and culture that is very different from my own.

As is visible from my profile, I have a background in both practice and academia. In my undergraduate days, my original plan was to enter into a career doing government research around social welfare issues. This was radically transformed in the summer of 2004 where I undertook a 3 month internship in Chicago, USA. I worked with socially marginalised children and young people using informal and non-formal education methods. I then returned to the UK to study a Masters in Social Research at the Department of Government at Strathclyde University. I used this opportunity to do my thesis on researching deprived children and young people's lives one area of Scotland. The seed was planted that I wanted to do hands-on work with children and young people in addition to research. Just doing research wasn't going to affect children and young people's day-to-day lives. I already had six years of academia behind me (BA, MA, MSc). So, I entered the workforce; doing sessional work, volunteering and agency work to get the relevant experience to be a good practitioner.

I stood out like a sore thumb in most of the settings due to my qualifications. But, I was generally accepted due to my class background (working class from a deprived area in the central belt of Scotland). I remember those years as hard graft; learning from observing others, and learning from my own mistakes. I soon recognised that to get employment in any decent positions working with children and young people, I would have to gain a 'professional' qualification. Synchronicity gave me a helping hand when an old school friend got in touch and said she'd been accepted on to the postgraduate course in community education course at Strathclyde University; starting October 2006. I applied, went for an interview and was accepted pending the completion of a successful portfolio and practice references. I gained confirmation of acceptance two weeks before the course started.

I emerged from this course as a qualified youth worker, community development worker and adult educator. I also emerged with a greater interest in community development following a four month work placement with the Australian Red Cross in Sydney, Australia. I had a tough choice in mid-2007 - whether to do a PhD (I had been offered one and had successfully applied for another) or whether to return to practice. In another mad dash of synchronicity, I was talking with the Education, Children and Young People Services manager for New South Wales at the Australian Red Cross, and he advised not to do the PhD but to travel. His own travels in Central America had cemented exactly what he wanted to do, and he had been building from this ever since. As a result, I returned to the UK, rejected both offers to do a PhD, and gained two part-time roles as a youth volunteer coordinator for a charity, and as an access and development worker for another charity that focused on adult education. And I saved up to travel to Central America. Where I did a variety of different development and education roles for three years.

There is much more to the story (I will write an autobiography one day). But, it's 2019 and I now have a PhD in community development. And I'm working in a full-time, permanent post in academia. But, I wanted to outline the above to highlight a productive pattern in my life - that I learn equally, but in different ways, from both practice and academia. I use both symbiotically to advance my own knowledge and understanding of the world, the worlds of children and young people across the globe, and what roles development and education have in these changing landscapes. So, I've decided to return to practice for one year to continue this growth. I find I stagnate in the one environment for too long. Being in the other reinvigorates me and I return with new insights that I can share with others. That is the why for why now.

The volunteering is for two reasons. One, I took a career break for a year which means I cannot take up a full-time salary or employment somewhere else. That would be a career secondment. Secondly, for the role that I have been offered. I will be professionally volunteering as the Director for Programme Research and Development for an international NGO. I will be doing both research and more hands-on practitioner work for the entire year I am there. This is a fantastic role and the INGO will be supporting me financially through providing my accommodation, food and VISA costs. So, that's why volunteer. 

The why Ecuador is another example of synchronicity. When living in Nicaragua I had repeatedly heard about a great INGO who did some good work in Nicaragua. I got in touch with them and said they didn't have any paid roles in Nicaragua but had one coming up in Ecuador. I applied for that role but didn't get it. But, the feedback was amazing. The feedback was that I had true passion for development, education and children / young people, and that I should keep applying for posts that came up, although they did take a while to emerge. This is the same INGO I will be volunteering with in Ecuador. I never applied for another job with them, as I made the decision to return back to the UK to recuperate from glandular fever and to do a PhD.

 As I look back on my life, I can see that I have made choices / turns at crossroads; and years later I have come back to a similar crossroad with the other choice / turn before me again. I have since interpreted this to mean that if I am supposed to do something, it will come back at another time and re-present itself to me. I could have stayed in Nicaragua longer; choosing to see out the worst of the glandular fever and rejecting the PhD path for the third time. This may have allowed me to work with the INGO in either Ecuador or Nicaragua shortly after. But, the PhD  had re-appeared at the crossroads and it looked more attractive, and a better option, than it did four years previous. You could argue that the INGO opportunity in Ecuador is something that I was always supposed to do. This is why it has re-appeared at the crossroads eight years later. I believe this and that's why I have taken this opportunity. Because the signs are all there it is part of my journey in this wonder we call life.

So, this blog will document this part of the journey. Another chapter in the Book of Andie. It's not going to be easy. My Spanish is rusty and my vocabulary has constricted considerably. I have also been working in a western institution for eight years where I am used to certain ways of working. I am also a decade older than the Andie who rocked up to Nicaragua to volunteer for eight months and ended up staying for three years. But, I do have some more things to offer. I am a much better researcher and writer. My time management skills have also improved substantively and I can work on my own initiative more easily. Most importantly, I am ready for this. I am ready to open up to new ways of being, thinking and doing; and to learn from whatever comes my way. I am not asking this opportunity to give me a particular experience. I am allowing this opportunity to give me the experience I need. People say that the older you get, the harder it is to change. I've never found that. I've found that the older I get the more easily I'm willing to surrender to what life needs to teach me. As long as it doesn't try to make me become something I am clearly not, I will commit to that experience. However transitory or enduring it will become. I hope that is enough.

In just over seven weeks I will be in Ecuador. I hope you will find this blog interesting...