It's been over three weeks since I left the UK. In that time I have presented two papers at the Community Development Society annual conference in Columbia, Missouri; had baggage delayed and been grounded in an airport for over a day (St Louis Lambert); visited various cities and towns in four different states (Missouri, Colorado, Utah and Texas); caught up with old friends and made some new ones; and had an extended break from my day job. In some ways, I feel like a new person already. Both travelling and self-work are chicken soup for my soul. But it's the opportunity to do both for extended periods of time that really makes the difference.
I've had some time to switch off the 'be productive' inner voice that usually convinces me to do some work whilst I'm on holiday. It has been much needed. Although I'm due to leave the US early tomorrow morning and I've done very little preparation work for Ecuador, I am patting myself on the back for not falling into the all-too-easy trap which is to have used holiday time to prepare for what was coming next. It really is important to give yourself time to rest and to switch your mind off from work.
Before I left the UK, I was having some health problems. These ranged from quite severe pain in my neck, shoulder and back; headaches caused by eye strain and double-vision, and an irregular excess heartbeat. I had been doing yoga and pilates regularly; going to a physiotherapist; had botox surgery in my left eye, and had all my bloods tested (thankfully, all my major organs are doing just fine). So, I was managing it all - but it was managing. I can't explain the difference I feel having given myself two weeks of holiday away from my life in the UK. A life that consisted of a demanding job with a number of writing commitments; selling pretty much everything that I owned; packing up what was left to either go into storage (work and the mothership's), charity shops or the recycling tip; sorting out the terms and conditions of my career break, and itineraries / VISA necessities. I was stressed and exhausted. So, I feel more like me than I have for a long time. This includes not being in so much physical pain and carrying so much tension.
Yet... tomorrow I leave for Ecuador. Having had time to recuperate, I now feel physically, psychologically, emotionally and spiritually ready for it. But, I paid attention to the panic: panic that I hadn't done 'enough' preparation and that I shouldn't have taken such a break. It's when you give yourself permission to stop and actually listen to how your mind works, you start to really see how over-work and burnout actually happens. We think we know, but we don't really until we see how we police ourselves. Of course, this doesn't occur in a vacuum and it never is our fault for thinking like this. It is a commonly-shared symptom of quite an unhealthy society. I'm very thankful for the space I've had in the US to recuperate. Eating, reading, sleeping and meditating far too much. It has been an absolute tonic.
I'm not getting back on the merry-go-round. I want to do a very good job in Ecuador. But, I'm not getting into the same state to do it. This will be a good year for me. To learn healthier boundaries and find a different work-life balance... one that will work better for me in the future. This year is time to make new routines and stick to them. So, it will involve unlearning some of the things I have taken for granted for a long time. It's not going to be easy, but it is much needed. A journey worth taking.
To all (hehe) my readers out there... I hope you are well and are getting a well-needed rest. Much love from the US xxx
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